Stan Freberg Quotes

"Well, he could run down to Carnegie wigwam on Sunday afternoons and listen to Flying Birdstein explain the ceremonial dances."

"Brailleswroth's got the sweetest look you ever seen...on a rat. He peers up at you with a kind of a wonderous look, and his beady little eyes seem to say, 'I'd like to kill you.'" (From "Person to Pearson")

"Most folks call 'em green onions, but they're really scallions!"

"Thank-you for all those cards and letters, you folks out there in television lant"

"Black is a great color!!! it sets off your wig!"

"The chief's wife wants strictly junk jewellery..."

"Who are taking to the witch burning Saturday night?"

"Say that was a nice number, you kids get a pretty good sound out of them moccasins!"

"Will you let me talk? I'll have to learn the language all over again!"

"Listen madam, you should look that good in white cotton stockings! Rinsed or unrinsed!"

"Whassa matter, kid, ya cold?" 
"No, I'm struggling inwardly!"

 

 

"When he was a little kid, he was a fat, spoiled kid. I can tell the type."

"Yep, somebody sure cut through that fence, all right."

"One hundred million moo-cows can't be wrong!"

"The story of Little Blue Riding Hood is true. Only the color has been changed to prevent an investigation."

"All women are troublemakers who take the money their husbands need desperately for a new and better speaker, and selfishly squander it on things like shoes for the children, homogenized milk, or perhaps A SECOND DRESS!! They can sit there and watch their husbands suffer with old equipment which has been obsolete for at least a week, and deny him the new theatre playback system he needs soooo badly. Shameful, shameful, Mrs. America!"

"I said just with the tail--not with the whole, lousy rabbit!"

"I gotta tell how he foo the tollgate man wid da pig iron!"

"Gee dad, it was a Wurlitzer!"

"Ma, I'm well!" 
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! Feel my nose!"

 

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 25 years, my popping finger is a-caught in mah cheek-um. Will you give me a hand there Alice? Pull on my arm. No, no, the other arm."

"By the way, I took that 45 over to the lab to have them check on it. You were right."
"I was right?" 
"Yeah. It was a gun."

 

 

"Ti-Nee-Tim chestnuts are full-bodied, longer lasting. this visible shell <knock-knock> protects the nut. Now with XK-29 added for people who can't roast after every meal..."

"That was Benny Goodman in a skindiver's suit, twenty feet under water, playing Danny Boy in a kelp bed!"

"Adios! (singing) Adios muchachos, companieros, amigo--will you get out of here?!"

"I'll just jump up here on the rigging and speak to them."
"You mean on top of everything else, this ship is rigged?"

 

 

"We discover you on beach here--it's all how you look at it . . . "

"Sunsweet pitted prunes--today the pits, tomorrow the wrinkles!"

"I want it BOILING!!"

June: "How does she break up those white cotton stockings!"
Dawes: "Yeah, she hasn't changed those in thirty years!"
Stan: "If Annie only had one pair of stockings, she would rinse them out every night. It's so like her! It's so like her!"

 

 

"Not *mambo*! *Mumble*!" 

"Say, mothers...as sure as there's an X in Christmas, you can be certain those are Tiny Tim Chestnuts!"

"It makes a difference to the sheep"

"He foo him?"

"You can cover up yelluh! An yew can cover up rose, buddy buddy! But don't yew cover up TEXAS, or I'll take your head an' shove it through that snare drum an' secede from the BAND! So help me Mitch Milluh ah will!"

"Never mind that Nick Lucas pick, here - use this Howdy Doody button"

"Gee that's realistic!"

"It's crazy! The whole thing is madness! I don't like the way the crew is acting!"
"Well, you're overplaying it a little bit yourself, there.

 

 

"A seventy-year-old man doesn't go SWINGING across a ravine. . ."

"I claim this land in the name of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain!"
"How!?"
"Well, first I stick the flag in the sand...."

 

 

"...devouring maidens out of season."

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of Man? Do you know who said that?" "No." "Lamont Cranston, that's who. Compared to him, my dear, James Bond is a fink." 

"'Revere', 'Levine' -- just so you can ride a horse good!"

"You play that "Clink-Clink-Clink" jazz, or you won't get paid tonight!!"

"Who's that Sylvia?--It's the call of destiny."

"Well, my eyesight isn't what it used to be. Besides, it's hard to hit the porch from a horse."

"Well, that was pretty rude!"

"A burglar comes sneaking in and brekas thee latch, while Grandma she is looking on thee wrestling match/She throws him on thee floor although she's ninety years old/She says "I got him with a StepOver Toe Hold.'"

"Careful Strudelmeyer, you could be replaced by Quasimodo."

"Too many moons we live here White Cloud, time to unload this crummy island."

"Well, he could run down to Carnegie wigwam on Sunday afternoons and listen to Flying Birdstein explain the ceremonial dances."

"I could see them staring at the white froth over my mouth. To ward off any suspicion, I whipped out a razor and shaved."

"Look at that show-off Hancock--pretty flamboyant signature for an insurance man!"

"The turkey was for the centerpiece Charlie!"

"Say, that was a nice number! You kids get a pretty good sound out of them moccasins."

"I noticed your nylons were getting a little furry there."

"...rumble, rumble, rumble, mutiny, mutiny, mutiny."

"It is indeed he! He has a birthmark on his neck in the shape of a steaming cup of coffee!"

"what do you mean you cooked the turkey Charlie? ...well, I uh cooked the turkey, dats oall..."

"Here, hand me the glass... no, no! The other one!"

"Look, if Lenie wants to starve to death, that's up to Lenie. But me, I want to discover the "New World", cary out my dream!"

"I deliberately said polka dots!"

"...Still too loud man. would you mind leaving the room..."

"Well, we're all a little hostile every now and then, some of us are able to sublimate, others of us can't adjust. You know how it is..."

"Turn off'a da bubble machine..."


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