(Taken directly from Stan Freberg's
book "It Only Hurts When I Laugh" by Eric Hullquist )
A small, animated man walked onto the screen:
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen. this
commercial is going to use sublim... sub...
ONTO THE SCREEN FLASHES THE WORD SUBLIMINAL,
BUT ONLY FOR HALF A SECOND-
JUST LONG ENOUGH TO REGISTER.
MAN: (CONTINUING) Subliminal advertising!
That means you will not be able to see it on the screen. Oh, it'll be
there all right, but the naked eye cannot detect it. In the meantime,
just sit back and relax . . . while I tell you this rather amusing,
heh heh, story. It seems that these two men decided to take a trip.
FROM THE BACK OF A SCREEN BEHIND HIM,
A
SKYROCKET BURSTS, OBLITERATING THE MAN'S
DIALOGUE. THE ROCKET BURST BECOMES THE
WORDS INSTANT BUTTER-NUT COFFEE,
WHICH FILL THE SCREEN. THE BAND IS PLAY-
ING LOUDLY AND THE MAN HAS SHRUNK TO A
SMALL SILHOUETTE IN THE CORNER OF THE
SCREEN. WE SEE HIM TALKING, BUT WE CAN'T
HEAR HIM. THE GIANT MESSAGES ON-SCREEN
ARE HUGE, IMPOSING, ANYTHING BUT SUB-
LIMINAL. A STRING OF DANCING GIRLS DRAGS
IN THE WORDS IT TOOK FIVE YEARS TO
MAKE, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. SUD-
DENLY THE MAN POPS ON FULL SCREEN, AND
WE HEAR HIM AS THE MUSIC CUTS OFF.
MAN: So the second man goes back
to the dry cleaners,
and...
A BURST OF FIREWORKS BLOTS OUT THE MAN
IN MID-SENTENCE. THE WORDS TRY SOME
APPEAR FULL SCREEN, FOLLOWED BY AN ELE-
PHANT STOMPING THROUGH WITH THE WORD
TODAY!! FINALLY, THE WORDS INSTANT
BUTTER-NUT COFFEE PULSATE A FEW
TIMES, FILLING THE SCREEN, AND WE SEE THE
MAN AGAIN, BY NOW AT THE END OF HIS
STORY.
MAN: So the third guy says... "Okay.
But you'd better bring back the hangers." Ahh heh-heh.
THERE IS A SLIGHT PAUSE AS THE MAN REALIZES
HIS STORY HAS NOT GONE OVER WELL.
HE EXITS SHEEPISHLY. FADE TO BLACK.
