CHORUS: (SINGING WITH ORCHESTRA)
Ninety-five percent of the people in the USA Are Buying Chun King chow mein...
FREBERG: (BLOWS A POLICE WHISTLE TO STOP THEM)
Hold it please--that's not exactly true! Only five percent of the people are buying it. Ninety-five percent have never bought a single can.
MAN: Uhhh, you want us to say that?
FREBERG: Why not? Lay it on the line. Let's have a little "truth in advertising" for a change.
Ninety-five percent of the people in the USA Are not buying Chun King chow mein.
FREBERG: That's better
CHORUS: It could be that they don't like the label,
Or simply think, it isn't gonna be very good,
But should that
Ninety-five percent of the people ever try Chun King,
They're gonna eat Chun King chow mein
For the rest of their lives
FREBERG: Wouldn't that get a little monotonous?
CHORUS: For the rest of the week.
FREBERG: How about... "occasionally"?
MAN: (SIGHING) Do you want to add anything else?
FREBERG: Well... just a little soy sauce maybe.
Above Script taken directly from "It Only Hurts When I Laugh" page 180-181